Pi, the mathematical constant, has been calculated to 100 trillion decimal places as of the most recent computation milestone. The digits begin: 3.14159265358979323846… and continue from there in a sequence that has no pattern, no repetition, and no end, which mathematicians describe as one of the most beautiful properties of the number and which Yolanda Tippington, on this particular Pi Day, describes as deeply relatable.

In the spirit of Pi Day inquiry, Yolanda conducted a search of the known digits for sequences of interest to current events. The methodology was not rigorous. The findings were not peer-reviewed. The confidence level is 31.41592%, which Yolanda selected because it is the most digits of pi she could fit in a percentage field before the number became unwieldy and also because it felt honest. Here is what she found.

Sequences Located In Pi, And What They Mean

The sequence 0228: Found at position 1,539 in pi. February 28 — the start date of Operation Epic Fury. Pi knew. Pi has always known. Pi is not surprised by any of this. Pi has been going since before the war and will continue after. Yolanda notes this with the scientific neutrality she can muster at 13:14 on Pi Day, which is 1:14 p.m. for non-military readers, and which was specifically chosen as the filing time because Yolanda has standards about these things.

The sequence 314: Found many times. This is expected. This is not news. This is just pi being pi, which is what pi does, and which Yolanda finds reassuring in a week when many things are not being what they are supposed to be.

The sequence 10314: $103.14. The Friday close on Brent crude. Found in the digits of pi at position 49,702. The oil market is not reading the digits of pi. The oil market does not know about pi. The oil market is responding to the closure of the Strait of Hormuz and the overnight bombing of Kharg Island. And yet the number is there. It was always there. Ferdinand von Lindemann proved in 1882 that it was always going to be there. The oil price found it anyway. Yolanda has been staring at this for four hours. She is fine. She is a scientist. Scientists are fine.

The sequence 45: Found everywhere. Four to five weeks — the original war timeline estimate. Four to five. In pi it appears at position 59, quite early, which Yolanda interprets as pi having low confidence in the estimate from the beginning. The digits moved on quickly from 45. So has the situation.

The sequence 147: The number of pages in the first Mandelson document tranche. Found in pi. The second tranche pages are unknown. Yolanda searched pi for a number larger than 147 that also felt like a document tranche. She found 148. She found 149. She found 200. She found 312. The second tranche is somewhere in those digits. Yolanda cannot tell you which one. The digits do not label themselves by category. This is pi’s one significant flaw as an intelligence source.

The exit strategy: Not found. Yolanda searched the first 100 trillion digits. She searched for sequences corresponding to: clear objectives, measurable endpoints, defined success criteria, a day-after plan, a timeline consistent across consecutive press briefings, and the phrase “very complete, actually” as distinct from “very complete, pretty much.” None of these sequences resolved into anything operationally useful. The digits continue. The exit is, like pi, still being computed.

What Pi’s Properties Tell Us About The Current Moment

Mathematicians describe pi as “normal” — a technical term meaning that every digit sequence of every length appears in pi with equal frequency, eventually. This means that somewhere in the infinite digits of pi, the complete text of every book ever written appears. Somewhere in pi is a digit sequence that encodes a complete, coherent, bipartisan-approved exit strategy for the Iran war with measurable objectives and an agreed timeline. It is in there. It has to be. The normality of pi guarantees it.

Finding it is the computational challenge. The digits are running. The computers are fast. We have 100 trillion so far. We need more. Yolanda has submitted a grant proposal. Gerald is listed as a co-investigator. Gerald’s role is motivational. Gerald is good at motivational roles.

Pi Day Recommendations From The Science Desk

In light of the foregoing analysis, Yolanda Tippington, Science Correspondent, offers the following Pi Day recommendations, calibrated to the current situation:

Accept the irrationality. Pi is irrational and it is the number that holds the universe together. Irrationality is not incompatible with function. The circle works. The bridge stands. The pie bakes. Things can be irrational and still hold.

Keep computing. No one stopped calculating pi when the first trillion digits didn’t yield an answer. You go further. You compute more. You accept that the answer is in there and that getting to it requires continuing the work. Yolanda applies this to the situation in a manner she will leave unstated because it is Pi Day and she does not want to ruin the pie metaphor with too much specificity.

Appreciate the 3.14. You do not need all 100 trillion digits to bake a pie. You need approximately 39 digits of pi to calculate the circumference of the observable universe to within the width of a hydrogen atom. Most situations require far fewer digits than you think. The approximation is sufficient for the purpose at hand. This is true of pi. It may also be true of current events in ways that will become apparent once we have enough distance from this particular week to see the shape of the thing rather than just the inside of it.

Happy Pi Day. Eat the circle. The digits continue. The pie is warm. The circumference is always greater than you thought it was, and when you divide it by the diameter, you get something infinite and beautiful and completely unable to be expressed as a simple fraction, which is, Yolanda maintains, not a flaw but a feature, and the most honest description of the ratio between what we hope for and what we find that mathematics has ever produced.

3.14159265358979323846264338327950288…

And so on.

Yolanda Tippington, Science Correspondent, filed this piece at exactly 1:14 p.m. on Pi Day. She checked the sequence 10314 in pi independently and it is genuinely at position 49,702. She did not manufacture that. She is a scientist. The grant proposal for Gerald is pending. The exit strategy digits are out there. We just need more computation. Confidence: 31.41592%. It is the most precise confidence level ever filed at Supposedly News. Yolanda considers this her best work. Today is a good day. Eat pie.