Politics

Image for: Senator Mitch McConnell, Eighty-Four, Was Hospitalized For Roughly A Month While His Office Declined To Say Why, Issuing One Statement On July Second And Then Pointing All Subsequent Inquiries Back At It; Into The Vacuum Flowed Rumors, Including A Claim That He Was Braindead, Which His Friends Rebutted By Describing Twenty-Minute Phone Calls; On July Twelfth The Senator Ended The Speculation Himself: He Had A Fall, Was Briefly Unconscious, Broke Nothing, And Picked Up A Mild Case Of Pneumonia; Douglas Wishes The Senator A Full Recovery, Sincerely; Douglas's Subject Is Not The Man; Douglas's Subject Is The Vacuum Politics

Senator Mitch McConnell, Eighty-Four, Was Hospitalized For Roughly A Month While His Office Declined To Say Why, Issuing One Statement On July Second And Then Pointing All Subsequent Inquiries Back At It; Into The Vacuum Flowed Rumors, Including A Claim That He Was Braindead, Which His Friends Rebutted By Describing Twenty-Minute Phone Calls; On July Twelfth The Senator Ended The Speculation Himself: He Had A Fall, Was Briefly Unconscious, Broke Nothing, And Picked Up A Mild Case Of Pneumonia; Douglas Wishes The Senator A Full Recovery, Sincerely; Douglas’s Subject Is Not The Man; Douglas’s Subject Is The Vacuum

Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, 84, was hospitalized in June and remained hospitalized for roughly a month while…

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Image for: The President Announced On Truth Social That The United States 'Is Being Unnecessarily Invaded By Filthy, Polluted, And Unhealthy Air' From Canadian Wildfires, Declared It 'Willful Negligence,' And Stated The Cost 'Must Of Necessity Be Added To The TARIFFS Canada Is Currently Paying'; Patricia Has Covered Invasions Her Entire Career; This Is The First Invasion Conducted Entirely By Weather; Patricia Has Reviewed The Applicable Doctrine On Deterring An Airborne Adversary With Trade Policy; There Is No Applicable Doctrine; Patricia Also Notes The Administration Has Reportedly Been Dismantling The Federal Labs That Study Wildfire Smoke; The Watching, As Ever, Continues Politics

The President Announced On Truth Social That The United States ‘Is Being Unnecessarily Invaded By Filthy, Polluted, And Unhealthy Air’ From Canadian Wildfires, Declared It ‘Willful Negligence,’ And Stated The Cost ‘Must Of Necessity Be Added To The TARIFFS Canada Is Currently Paying’; Patricia Has Covered Invasions Her Entire Career; This Is The First Invasion Conducted Entirely By Weather; Patricia Has Reviewed The Applicable Doctrine On Deterring An Airborne Adversary With Trade Policy; There Is No Applicable Doctrine; Patricia Also Notes The Administration Has Reportedly Been Dismantling The Federal Labs That Study Wildfire Smoke; The Watching, As Ever, Continues

On Friday, July 17, 2026, with smoke from nearly 850 active Canadian wildfires driving air quality alerts across…

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Image for: America Turns Two Hundred And Fifty On July Fourth; There Are Two Organizations Planning The Commemoration; One, America250, Was Created By Congress In Twenty-Sixteen As A Nonpartisan Commission, And Is Holding A July Fourth Concert In Los Angeles With Tickets Priced At Seventeen Dollars And Seventy-Six Cents; The Other, Freedom 250, Was Created By The President, Does Not Disclose Its Donors, And Opened Its Sixteen-Day Fair With A Presidential Rally At Which He Declared America Had Recently Been 'A Dead Country'; Reginald Has Been Asked To Write The Paper Of Record's Account Of The Semiquincentennial; Reginald Would Like To Begin With What Is Actually Being Commemorated Politics

America Turns Two Hundred And Fifty On July Fourth; There Are Two Organizations Planning The Commemoration; One, America250, Was Created By Congress In Twenty-Sixteen As A Nonpartisan Commission, And Is Holding A July Fourth Concert In Los Angeles With Tickets Priced At Seventeen Dollars And Seventy-Six Cents; The Other, Freedom 250, Was Created By The President, Does Not Disclose Its Donors, And Opened Its Sixteen-Day Fair With A Presidential Rally At Which He Declared America Had Recently Been ‘A Dead Country’; Reginald Has Been Asked To Write The Paper Of Record’s Account Of The Semiquincentennial; Reginald Would Like To Begin With What Is Actually Being Commemorated

On July 4, 2026, the United States will mark the 250th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration…

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Image for: At The Great American State Fair Opening, The President Addressed The Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool — Which His Own Administration Spent Over Fourteen Million Dollars Renovating, Which Then Turned Bright Green With Algae, And Which Then Began Peeling Its New Blue Paint After His Own Administration Poured Hydrogen Peroxide Into It — By Stating That The Pool Had Been 'Gruesomely Vandalized By Thugs, Bad People'; There Is No Evidence Of Vandalism; There Is Extensive Documentation Of Hydrogen Peroxide; The President Also Said The Pool 'Looks Perfect Already'; Douglas Has Now Filed Three Pieces On This Pool; Douglas Did Not Expect The Third One To Involve Thugs Politics

At The Great American State Fair Opening, The President Addressed The Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool — Which His Own Administration Spent Over Fourteen Million Dollars Renovating, Which Then Turned Bright Green With Algae, And Which Then Began Peeling Its New Blue Paint After His Own Administration Poured Hydrogen Peroxide Into It — By Stating That The Pool Had Been ‘Gruesomely Vandalized By Thugs, Bad People’; There Is No Evidence Of Vandalism; There Is Extensive Documentation Of Hydrogen Peroxide; The President Also Said The Pool ‘Looks Perfect Already’; Douglas Has Now Filed Three Pieces On This Pool; Douglas Did Not Expect The Third One To Involve Thugs

On June 14 and again on June 20, Douglas Allegedly filed structural analyses of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting…

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Image for: The Department Of The Interior Is, Per NOTUS, Spending Approximately Ninety-Five Million Dollars On D.C. Beautification Projects Initiated Between December And April; The Reflecting Pool Renovation Was Fourteen Million; The Regilding Of Four Horse Statues With Twenty-Three-Point-Seven-Five-Karat Gold Leaf Is Five-Point-One Million; Both Contracts Were Awarded Without Competitive Bidding Under The Same Procurement Provision; Interior Secretary Doug Burgum Has Described The Project As 'Auramaxxing' Washington, D.C.; The Term Is Gen Z Slang; The Sentence Was Posted To The Official Department Of The Interior X Account; Deborah Has Constructed A Priority Matrix; The Matrix Has Two Columns Politics

The Department Of The Interior Is, Per NOTUS, Spending Approximately Ninety-Five Million Dollars On D.C. Beautification Projects Initiated Between December And April; The Reflecting Pool Renovation Was Fourteen Million; The Regilding Of Four Horse Statues With Twenty-Three-Point-Seven-Five-Karat Gold Leaf Is Five-Point-One Million; Both Contracts Were Awarded Without Competitive Bidding Under The Same Procurement Provision; Interior Secretary Doug Burgum Has Described The Project As ‘Auramaxxing’ Washington, D.C.; The Term Is Gen Z Slang; The Sentence Was Posted To The Official Department Of The Interior X Account; Deborah Has Constructed A Priority Matrix; The Matrix Has Two Columns

Per reporting by NOTUS published May 28, 2026, the Department of the Interior under Secretary Doug Burgum is…

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Image for: On June 17, 2026, The United States And Iran Signed A Memorandum Of Understanding That Ended The Iran War; The President Said The Agreement 'Probably Is Unconditional Surrender'; The Iranian Parliament Speaker Held Up His Signed Copy For Cameras In Tehran; Senator Bill Cassidy Said Ronald Reagan Was Rolling Over In His Grave; Thirteen American Service Members Are Dead And Iran's Nuclear Program Is Not Curbed And Sanctions Will Be Lifted; Patricia Has Been Watching The Strait Since February; Patricia Is Going To File Her Closing Brief Politics

On June 17, 2026, The United States And Iran Signed A Memorandum Of Understanding That Ended The Iran War; The President Said The Agreement ‘Probably Is Unconditional Surrender’; The Iranian Parliament Speaker Held Up His Signed Copy For Cameras In Tehran; Senator Bill Cassidy Said Ronald Reagan Was Rolling Over In His Grave; Thirteen American Service Members Are Dead And Iran’s Nuclear Program Is Not Curbed And Sanctions Will Be Lifted; Patricia Has Been Watching The Strait Since February; Patricia Is Going To File Her Closing Brief

On Sunday, June 14, 2026 — the same evening this publication's Frank Misquote was watching UFC Freedom 250…

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Image for: Douglas Filed The Original Reflecting Pool Algae Piece Six Days Ago And At That Time The Worst Thing Happening Was That There Was A Man Standing In The Pool With A Net Removing Algae; Now The Pool Is Bright Green, Workers Are Pouring Jugs Of Hydrogen Peroxide Into It, The Hydrogen Peroxide Has Failed To Kill The Algae But Has Successfully Lifted Three-By-Three-Foot Chunks Of American Flag Blue Paint Off The Bottom, A Swimming-Pool Supply Store Helped CNN Confirm The Phosphate Levels Are Wrong, The Contract Went To A Company With No Federal Experience Without A Bidding Process, And A Viral Tweet Has Diagnosed The President As Unable To Win A War Against Algae; Douglas Is Going To Update The File Politics

Douglas Filed The Original Reflecting Pool Algae Piece Six Days Ago And At That Time The Worst Thing Happening Was That There Was A Man Standing In The Pool With A Net Removing Algae; Now The Pool Is Bright Green, Workers Are Pouring Jugs Of Hydrogen Peroxide Into It, The Hydrogen Peroxide Has Failed To Kill The Algae But Has Successfully Lifted Three-By-Three-Foot Chunks Of American Flag Blue Paint Off The Bottom, A Swimming-Pool Supply Store Helped CNN Confirm The Phosphate Levels Are Wrong, The Contract Went To A Company With No Federal Experience Without A Bidding Process, And A Viral Tweet Has Diagnosed The President As Unable To Win A War Against Algae; Douglas Is Going To Update The File

On June 14, this publication filed Douglas Allegedly's structural analysis of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool's first algae…

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Image for: Today, June 14, Is The First Time The National Park Service Will Offer Free Entry On The President's Birthday Under A New Policy Announced In November That Removes Martin Luther King Junior Day And Juneteenth From The Free-Entry Calendar; The Removed Holidays Commemorate The Civil Rights Movement And The End Of American Slavery; The Added Holiday Is The President's Birthday; Foreign Visitors Now Pay One Hundred Dollars Extra At Eleven Of The Most-Visited Parks; Deborah Has Built A Priority Matrix; The Matrix Is Cleaner Than Usual Politics

Today, June 14, Is The First Time The National Park Service Will Offer Free Entry On The President’s Birthday Under A New Policy Announced In November That Removes Martin Luther King Junior Day And Juneteenth From The Free-Entry Calendar; The Removed Holidays Commemorate The Civil Rights Movement And The End Of American Slavery; The Added Holiday Is The President’s Birthday; Foreign Visitors Now Pay One Hundred Dollars Extra At Eleven Of The Most-Visited Parks; Deborah Has Built A Priority Matrix; The Matrix Is Cleaner Than Usual

On November 25, 2025, the United States Department of the Interior — led by Secretary Doug Burgum —…

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Image for: Trump Spent Fourteen-Point-Two Million Dollars Of Federal Money Renovating The Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, Declared The Project Complete, Had The White House Post 'The Reflecting Pool Is Reflecting' Before The Pool Had Finished Filling With Water, And Then Within Twenty-Four Hours The Pool Was Coated With Algae Again; The Interior Department Has Described The Algae As 'Residual' And Part Of The 'Normal Startup Process'; The Nanobubbler Filtration System Was Supposed To Prevent This Exact Outcome; Douglas Would Like To Note That The Pool Is, Per Every Available Photograph, Not Reflecting Anything Politics

Trump Spent Fourteen-Point-Two Million Dollars Of Federal Money Renovating The Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, Declared The Project Complete, Had The White House Post ‘The Reflecting Pool Is Reflecting’ Before The Pool Had Finished Filling With Water, And Then Within Twenty-Four Hours The Pool Was Coated With Algae Again; The Interior Department Has Described The Algae As ‘Residual’ And Part Of The ‘Normal Startup Process’; The Nanobubbler Filtration System Was Supposed To Prevent This Exact Outcome; Douglas Would Like To Note That The Pool Is, Per Every Available Photograph, Not Reflecting Anything

On Tuesday, June 9, 2026, after several weeks of heavily promoted renovations, the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool was…

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Image for: A Coalition Of Online MAGA Influencers Spent Late March Attacking Senator Lindsey Graham Of South Carolina For Holding A Forty-Dollar Bubble Wand At Disney World; The Bubble Wand Belonged To A Little Girl Whose Parent Was In The Bathroom And Whom Graham Was, Per A TMZ Eyewitness, Helping; The Eyewitness Account Was Available Before The Attacks Began; The Attacks Used Specifically Anti-Gay Innuendo Of Child Predation; The Innuendo Was Deployed By A Voting Coalition That Has Spent Years Refining That Exact Tool Against Lgbtq+ Americans; The Tool Has Now Turned Toward One Of Its Architects; Douglas Considers This Worth Saying Out Loud Politics

A Coalition Of Online MAGA Influencers Spent Late March Attacking Senator Lindsey Graham Of South Carolina For Holding A Forty-Dollar Bubble Wand At Disney World; The Bubble Wand Belonged To A Little Girl Whose Parent Was In The Bathroom And Whom Graham Was, Per A TMZ Eyewitness, Helping; The Eyewitness Account Was Available Before The Attacks Began; The Attacks Used Specifically Anti-Gay Innuendo Of Child Predation; The Innuendo Was Deployed By A Voting Coalition That Has Spent Years Refining That Exact Tool Against Lgbtq+ Americans; The Tool Has Now Turned Toward One Of Its Architects; Douglas Considers This Worth Saying Out Loud

On March 27, 2026, during a partial federal government shutdown, Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina was photographed…

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