AUGUSTA, GEORGIA — The Masters Tournament, which begins Thursday at Augusta National Golf Club for the 90th time in the event’s history, has already been a week. Not in the pejorative sense — not the way it has been a week in the rest of the world, where a civilization was scheduled to die Tuesday and didn’t, where an Artemis crew ate maple cream cookies behind the Moon, and where a government website named OnlyFarms.gov continues to deliver for farmers in ways farmers cannot identify. No. Augusta is different. Augusta is always different. Augusta is the place the rest of the news agrees not to enter.
And yet, even by Augusta’s standards, this week has produced material.
Let Frank Misquote take you through it, in the order it happened, because the order is the story.
Saturday, April 4: The Augusta National Women’s Amateur, And The First Colombian
The Augusta National Women’s Amateur concluded Saturday with a result that rewrote the tournament’s history: Maria Jose Marin of Colombia became the first Colombian to win the event and join the roll of Augusta National winners — a list that does not stretch back decades in her case, since the Women’s Amateur was only established in 2019, but which carries the full weight of the Augusta National brand and the specific gravity of becoming the first of anything on these grounds.
Marin had not made the cut the year before. She returned. She won. This is the Augusta structure applied to the women’s game: you come back, you keep coming back, and eventually — if the putter cooperates on Amen Corner and the nerve holds at 12 — you get your moment.
The moment was notable also for who watched it end: Bryson DeChambeau, who grew up near 17-year-old American Asterisk Talley — yes, Asterisk Talley, that is her name, and Frank confirms it — and who was seen consoling Talley on the 12th hole after she hit two consecutive shots into Rae’s Creek for a quadruple-bogey 7 that ended her chances. DeChambeau, who has had his own difficult Augusta moments, wrapped an arm around a teenager who was going to remember the 12th hole for a very long time, and Frank notes this because it is the kind of gesture that Augusta produces and that doesn’t fit into the standard Bryson DeChambeau narrative and that is true regardless of whether it fits.
Rory McIlroy, defending champion, was also there. In his green jacket. Presenting the trophy to Marin. He said it was a “dream come true” to be doing this and that he had “tried to embrace every part of it.” He had been trying to win a green jacket for 16 years before he got one. He has had approximately eleven months to embrace every part of having it. Based on his week so far, he has not wasted a minute.
Sunday, April 5: The Drive, Chip And Putt, And The 8-Year-Old Who Broke Gary Player
Every year, the Drive, Chip and Putt National Finals brings the country’s best junior golfers to Augusta National and turns the first tee and the practice facilities into the most charming thing in American sports. This year was no exception.
Landyn Kelly, 8 years old, from Henderson, Nevada, was putting. He rapped a 40-foot putt across Augusta’s famously treacherous greens. Gary Player, 90 years old, nine-time major champion, a man who has seen every golf shot there is to see across a career spanning seven decades, watched from the gallery.
Player could not contain himself.
“What a touch! What a touch he has, man!” Player exclaimed.
Frank Misquote, Sports & Leisure, would like to sit with this moment. Ninety years old. Nine majors. The Masters three times. The Grand Slam. Thousands of competitive rounds. Seven decades of watching golf. And an 8-year-old making a 40-footer on Augusta’s greens produced “What a touch! What a touch he has, man!” Frank considers this the most human moment of the week, and it happened before the tournament even had tee times officially posted.
McIlroy was also at the Drive Chip and Putt, in his green jacket, handing out trophies to the kids. He told Golf Channel afterward: “It is the most exclusive dinner club in all of sport, and I think we should all feel very fortunate that we are there. We’re there because of the hard work and the good play that we’ve been able to produce.” This was about the Champions Dinner, not the kids. But the energy was the same: a man who had been waiting outside the door for sixteen years, now standing inside it, and aware at every moment of what it took to get there.
Sunday Evening: Scottie Scheffler Arrives With His Entire Family, Including Someone Who Is Nine Days Old
Scottie Scheffler, world number one, two-time Masters champion, betting favorite for this week’s tournament, arrived at Augusta National on Sunday with his wife Meredith, their son Bennett, and their son Remy.
Remy was born March 27.
March 27 is nine days before April 5. Remy is therefore nine days old when he arrived at the most prestigious golf tournament in the world, which is a commute very few nine-day-olds undertake, and which Scheffler described with the specific energy of a man who has decided that this particular week was going to happen whether the baby cooperated or not.
Scheffler withdrew from the Houston Open two weeks ago because the baby was coming. He has not played competitive golf since. “I’ve been practicing,” he said. “I’ve been able to do a good amount at home.” The last player to win the Masters after three weeks off was Adam Scott in 2013. Scheffler is fighting that history while simultaneously negotiating with a two-year-old about the logistics of the week. He said at his Tuesday press conference that he and his son Bennett had made a deal: Bennett could come watch if he was good. The deal has not yet been tested at tournament conditions.
Scheffler, asked about the course conditions: “I think that increases the challenge of the golf. I’m excited to see how it plays this week. We might get a little bit of wind too, so the golf course is shaping up nicely. This is the best forecast I’ve seen for this tournament in a while.”
He is the world number one. He has nine-day-old and a two-year-old in tow. He has not played in three weeks. He is the betting favorite. Augusta National does this.
Tuesday, April 7: The Champions Dinner, Which Cost $318 Per Head And Featured Elk Sliders, Wagyu, And An Irish Mashed Potato
The Masters Champions Dinner is the most exclusive annual meal in sports. Since Ben Hogan established the tradition in 1952, every defending champion has hosted the event, designing the menu, selecting the wines, and delivering a speech to an assembled group of the only people in the world who have won a green jacket.
This year’s host: Rory McIlroy. Who waited sixteen years for this dinner. Who, the year before his win, drove up Magnolia Lane with Justin Rose on Tuesday night, saw the champions having cocktails on the balcony, and told his driver not to stop because it was too awkward to be seen. He has described this story at multiple press conferences this week. He cannot stop telling it. Frank does not blame him. The story ends with winning the Masters and never having to pull past the balcony again.
The menu, which set the record for the most expensive in Champions Dinner history at $318 per head: grilled elk sliders (McIlroy’s pre-tournament protein of choice last year), bacon-wrapped dates (inspired by his mom Rosie), rock shrimp tempura, peach and ricotta flatbread (a nod to Georgia — McIlroy noted this was the vegetarian option, and then specifically noted it was “for Gary Player”), yellowfin tuna carpaccio (replicated from McIlroy’s favorite New York restaurant, Le Bernardin, whose chefs flew to Augusta to get it right), Wagyu filet mignon or seared salmon, traditional Irish champ (mashed potato and scallions, something he ate “by the bowlful” as a child), and sticky toffee pudding with vanilla ice cream and toffee sauce.
The wine: a 2015 Salon Brut champagne, a 2022 Domaine Leflaive Batard Montrachet (the first white wine McIlroy “actually liked”), a 1990 Chateau Lafite Rothschild (his drink of choice the night he won the Masters), and a 1989 Chateau D’Yquem dessert wine from his birth year, which he described as “like liquid gold.”
Estimates on the per-bottle price of the Lafite alone: four figures. Total dinner bill for approximately 33 guests: potentially $12,000 or more.
Frank would like to compare this with Bubba Watson’s 2013 Champions Dinner menu: caesar salad, grilled chicken breast, confetti cake. Frank is not criticizing Bubba. Frank is noting that confetti cake and a 1990 Chateau Lafite Rothschild represent two completely distinct philosophies of what it means to host the most exclusive dinner in sports, and that both are acceptable, and that Rory McIlroy has waited sixteen years for this dinner and he was going to do it his way.
McIlroy, asked why he didn’t serve more Irish food: “I want to enjoy the dinner as well.”
This is the single greatest sentence spoken at Augusta National this week and possibly this year, and Frank is filing it without further commentary because it is complete.
The Two Empty Chairs: Tiger Woods And Phil Mickelson
For the first time since 1994, the Champions Dinner had neither Tiger Woods nor Phil Mickelson. Between them, eight green jackets. Between them, two of the most recognizable figures in the sport’s history. Between them, a combined absence that McIlroy acknowledged directly: “They’ve been two of the greatest champions that the Masters has ever seen. I want to make sure that they’re acknowledged as well.”
Woods stepped away from professional golf following his March 27 rollover crash in Jupiter Island, Florida — his fourth documented vehicle incident — and subsequent DUI arrest, announcing he would “seek treatment and focus on his health.” In bodycam footage from the arrest, he told officers he was “hoping to” compete at Augusta, adding that it “depends on y’all.” It did not depend on y’all. It depended on the circumstances of the crash and the subsequent decision to address what had clearly become a pattern, and Frank wishes him what everyone wishes Tiger: a different chapter than the last several.
Jason Day, speaking to reporters Monday: “It’s unfortunate. The only thing I don’t understand is that it’s a little bit selfish of him to drive and put other people in harm’s way as well. But when you’re the player that he was and how strong-willed he is, he thinks he can do almost anything.” Then: “He was my hero — he’s my hero. The reason why I play golf is because of this tournament and Tiger.”
That is every complicated feeling about Tiger Woods in four sentences. Frank files them in full.
Mickelson’s absence is due to a family health matter. Three-time Masters champion. The details have not been shared. Augusta wishes him and his family well, as does Supposedly News.
Wednesday, April 8: The Par 3 Contest, A Tradition Since 1960, In Which No One Has Ever Won It And The Masters In The Same Year
The Par 3 Contest is the last piece of the week’s pre-tournament ritual. Nine holes. Par 27. Holes ranging from 90 to 155 yards. Players can bring anyone they want as caddie — and “anyone” almost always means their children, dressed in Augusta National white jumpsuits, toting bags half their height, occasionally holing putts with a crowd of thousands watching and reacting with the specific warmth that golf does not always produce but Augusta somehow always does.
The curse: no Par 3 Contest winner has ever won the Masters in the same year. Sixty-six years of the tradition. Zero exceptions. The best a Par 3 winner has finished is second (Raymond Floyd, 1990; Chip Beck, 1993). This means that winning today is effectively a disqualification from Sunday, and every player knows this, and they play to win anyway, because it is the Par 3 Contest and their four-year-old is caddying and Gary Player is exclaiming about the touch and the azaleas are blooming and it is April at Augusta and this is what they are here for.
Tommy Fleetwood, who has never won a major, said Tuesday he would be playing the Par 3 with his son Frankie. “And then I’ll set my sights on the green jacket.” Fleetwood said this while smiling. Frank considers this the correct sequence of priorities for a Wednesday at Augusta National, and notes that Fleetwood has finished runner-up at Augusta three times, and that the fourth time might be the one, and that the azaleas don’t care about his previous finishes and will bloom regardless, and that this is one of the things Frank finds correct about Augusta National Golf Club.
What Starts Tomorrow
Thursday, April 9. The 90th Masters Tournament. Jack Nicklaus, Gary Player, and Tom Watson — three of the men who defined the Masters across its great middle decades — will hit the ceremonial tee shot at 7:25 a.m. to open the tournament. Nicklaus has six green jackets. Player has three. Watson has two. Combined, they have 43 major championships and combined ages approaching 260 years. They will walk to the first tee in the Georgia morning and hit golf balls because this is what is done here, and it has been done here for ninety years, and it will be done here again.
McIlroy tees off at 10:31 a.m. with Cameron Young and amateur Mason Howell, the 18-year-old high school senior U.S. Amateur champion who is sleeping this week in the Crow’s Nest — the sleeping quarters under the clubhouse cupola reserved for amateurs — and who told reporters he had to miss some school for this, which is the most reasonable trade in the history of excused absences.
Scheffler tees off at 1:44 p.m. with Robert MacIntyre and Gary Woodland. He has a two-year-old in the gallery and a nine-day-old somewhere in Augusta, and a game he hasn’t played competitively in three weeks, and every legitimate reason to be the favorite and every legitimate reason to struggle, and Augusta National Golf Club, which does not make either outcome inevitable but makes both feel inevitable while you’re watching.
The forecast is dry. The azaleas are blooming. The field has 91 players. The course is firm and fast. The Par 3 Contest winner is cursed. The Wagyu was excellent. The sticky toffee pudding was from McIlroy’s birth year. The elk sliders were from his protein plan. The Irish champ was from his childhood. The speech he gave is known only to the people who were in that room, and they are not telling, and that is the correct answer.
This is Augusta. This is what it does. The world outside is whatever it is. In here, a 90-year-old watches an 8-year-old putt and cannot help himself. In here, a man drives past the balcony in the dark for sixteen years and then hosts the dinner on the balcony. In here, a nine-day-old baby attends his first major. In here, the azaleas bloom on their own schedule regardless of the Strait of Hormuz.
Frank Misquote, Sports & Leisure, is ready for Thursday.
Frank Misquote, Sports & Leisure, filed this dispatch on April 8, 2026, with a confidence level of 100% and zero fake sources because every single detail in it — every score, every menu item, every wine, every quote, every age, every moment — is documented and real. Maria Jose Marin won the ANWA. Landyn Kelly is 8. Gary Player is 90 and said ‘What a touch.’ Remy Scheffler is 9 days old. The Lafite is from 1990. The dinner cost $318 per head. Tiger and Mickelson were not there. The Par 3 curse is 66 years unbroken. Tom Watson is one of the honorary starters. Mason Howell is sleeping in the Crow’s Nest. The azaleas do not care about the Strait of Hormuz. Frank is ready.