Politics
The Woman Who Banned Drag Shows Has A Husband Who Was Paying $25,000 To Do Drag, And He Was Caught By A Pocket Dial
The Daily Mail reported on March 31, 2026, that Bryon Noem — husband of former Secretary of Homeland…
Tag: satire
Politics
Sports
Chad Thadley Pulls Out Of 2028 Olympics, Signs With Wendy’s Again, Then Re-Signs With Olympics, All Within The Same Schefter Tweet
In a development reported exclusively by Adam Schefter, Chad Thadley — four-time Ohio state champion (bench press), ex-Wendy's…
Politics
White House Announces OnlyFarms.Gov Subscription Tiers: Free Tier Includes Quarterly Corn Updates; Premium Tier ($9.99/Month) Unlocks Exclusive Soybean Content
Following the viral success of its OnlyFarms.gov launch — which received 5,400 comments, 18,800 reactions, and a top-liked…
Culture
The 413,793 Stolen KitKat Bars Have Been Located: They Were In Domino’s UK Headquarters The Entire Time
European authorities have announced the recovery of all 413,793 stolen Formula 1-themed KitKat bars, following a tip from…
Sports
Tiger Woods Announces He Will Compete In The Masters By Driving From Jupiter Island To Augusta National, A Decision His Sponsors Describe As ‘Consistent’
Tiger Woods, who has been involved in four vehicle incidents since 2009 — fire hydrant (2009), DUI parked…
Politics
BREAKING: Iran And U.S. Reach Historic Peace Deal After Trump Offers To Trade Kharg Island For Applebee’s Franchise Rights Across The Persian Gulf
In a development that sources close to the situation describe as 'unprecedented' and other sources describe as 'April…
Culture
413,793 KitKat Bars Stolen In Europe; Domino’s Issues Condolences And Announces KitKat Pizza; Ryanair Denies Involvement; The Chocolate Is Still Missing
Nestlé has confirmed that a truck carrying 413,793 units of its new Formula 1-themed KitKat range — weighing…
Politics
Week Five War Recap: Oil Is The Biggest Shock In History, There Are 20 Points On Two Pieces Of Paper, Brent Eyewitness Has Covered This From The Beginning And Would Like To Note That He Has Covered This From The Beginning
The Iran war has entered its fifth week. Brent Eyewitness, Supposedly News field correspondent, has covered it since…
Culture
Nation’s Oil At $116 A Barrel; Annapolis Sailors, Who Burn Socks To Start Sailing Season, Have Accidentally Created The Only Emotionally Appropriate Response To Current Events
The Annapolis Oyster Roast & Sock Burning has been held for nearly 50 years, beginning with a boatyard…
Politics
Iran And U.S. Now Have Dueling Peace Plans; Combined, The Plans Feature 20 Points, Zero Agreed-Upon Points, And One Strait Of Hormuz That Both Sides Want To Control
The United States has presented Iran a 15-point peace plan via Pakistan. Iran has presented its own 5-point…