Science
Science Confirms That Scrolling Your Phone On The Toilet Is Doing The Thing You Suspected It Was Doing
A new study has found that people who use smartphones during bathroom visits have a 46% higher risk…
Tag: allegedly
Science
Business
Five Guys CEO Gives Staff $1.5 Million In Bonuses, Cites Desire To Not Get Shot, Which Is A New Line Item In Corporate HR Strategy
Five Guys founder and CEO Jerry Murrell, 82, has disclosed that he distributed $1.5 million in employee bonuses…
Culture
Wild Turkeys Shut Down Staten Island Rail Twice In Under Two Hours, Apparently Had Somewhere To Be
Wild turkeys interrupted train services on New York's Staten Island Railway twice within the space of under two…
Sports
BREAKING: Chad Thadley Commits To U.S. Flag Football Team For 2028 LA Olympics, Per Schefter, Leaving Wendy’s Assistant Manager Role After Only 11 Days
In a move that sources describe as stunning, unexpected, and entirely consistent with his career trajectory, Chad Thadley…
Politics
Congress Introduces Bill To Protect America’s Drinking Water From Abortion Pills; Guttmacher Institute, Ibuprofen, And The Entire Field Of Water Treatment Science Politely Disagree
Representative Mary Miller (R-IL) has introduced the Clean Water For All Life Act, which would require women using…
Politics
President Explains Surprise Attack Strategy To Japan, Uses Japan’s Surprise Attack Strategy As The Example
On Thursday, March 19, 2026, President Trump met with Japanese Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi in the Oval Office.…
Opinion
Viral Post Confirmed To Be Both Completely False And Somehow Still Accurately Describing How Everyone Feels
Fact-checkers confirmed Thursday that a widely shared social media post containing several provably false statistics about the economy…
Culture
Seven Ohio Deputies Raided A Rapper’s House, Found A Cake, Filed A $3.9 Million Lawsuit, And Lost All Of It In The Same Week The Government Threatened The Press With Treason
On Wednesday evening, March 18, 2026 — the same week the administration suggested journalists should face treason charges…
Business
Federal Reserve Meets Wednesday To Decide Interest Rates While Also Being At War, Experiencing Tariff Inflation, And Managing $103 Oil, Which Is Fine, Everything Is Fine
The Federal Reserve's FOMC meets Wednesday, March 18 — the first meeting to formally incorporate the economic impact…
Politics
Nation Relieved To Learn War Going Extremely Well, According To Exclusively The People Financially Benefiting From It
A comprehensive review of optimistic assessments about the current military situation reveals a striking common thread: every single…