Technology
Area Man Demands Name Of Engineer Responsible For ‘People You May Know,’ Algorithm Surfaces Engineer Immediately
Dell Lyles, posting to Facebook 52 minutes ago, has asked who wrote the algorithm for 'People You May…
Tag: allegedly
Technology
Business
BREAKING: Former 4x State Champ Chad Thadley Signs With Wendy’s In Shocking Late Move, Sources Confirm He Told Them Yes When They Asked
In a stunning development that industry analysts describe as 'the most significant fast food personnel move since Burger…
Science
Scientists Confirm Magic Mushrooms Help People Quit Smoking; Nation Spends Morning Figuring Out How To Ask Their Doctor About This
Researchers have confirmed that psilocybin — the psychoactive compound in what are commonly known as magic mushrooms —…
Politics
Government Tries New Legal Theory In Case Against Man It Has Been Trying To Deport For A Year, Previous Legal Theory Having Not Worked
One year after immigration officers placed Mahmoud Khalil, a legal permanent resident and Columbia University graduate student, into…
Science
CDC Confirms Measles Is “Probably Fine” Following Internal Reorganization That Eliminated The Department That Knew About Measles
Following a sweeping efficiency overhaul that eliminated seventeen disease-tracking departments, the CDC's newly restructured Office of Probably Fine…
Business
Economy Doing Great, Say People Whose Job It Is To Say Economy Is Doing Great
The United States economy is doing well, administration officials confirmed again this week, in a statement consistent with…
Politics
Administration Confirms War Objectives Will Be Available Shortly, Possibly After The War
The Trump administration has held multiple classified briefings with Congress regarding Operation Epic Fury, the ongoing U.S.-Israel military…
Culture
Man Spends MAR10 Day Explaining To Everyone Around Him That Today Is Mario Day, Reports Declining Returns
Local man Derek Fillmore, 34, woke up Tuesday with a purpose: today is MAR10 Day, the numerological holiday…
Politics
Nation’s Prediction Market Traders Demand All Future Wars Be Scheduled At Least Two Weeks In Advance
Frustrated investors say last-minute military operations are "completely destroying portfolio planning" and are lobbying Congress for a mandatory…
Politics
Nation Celebrates MAR10 Day By Acknowledging That A Plumber Has Done More For Infrastructure Than Congress
On MAR10 Day, Supposedly News pauses to note that Mario, an Italian-American plumber operating out of the Mushroom…